In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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