But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
