did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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