I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
