Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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