ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
