Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
