Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
