I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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