No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
