so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
