Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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