Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
