She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
