Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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