i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
