You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
