wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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