At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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