I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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