I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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