you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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