they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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