how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
