my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he shaved USA in his pubs
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
