just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
