my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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