You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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