I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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