Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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