There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
