did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
