She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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