I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i've created a new STD.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
