I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
