how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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