my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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