I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
