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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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