If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
