Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
