I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
