so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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