My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
