erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
