I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
