does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well you can't waste a boner
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
