i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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