he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
