My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
