ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
