Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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