Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
