I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
