Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
