The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
