a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize