They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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