Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
