U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
