we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
