I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
