Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
