dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
