I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
