i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
